THE ULTIMATE ATTITUDE OF GRATITUDE IN THE FACE OF FEAR, FAILURE AND FOREBODING
Everything happens for a reason...
How many times has someone offered this platitude in times of struggle and resistance? How many times have we smiled weakly in response and agreed, whilst secretly envisioning grabbing that same Good Samaritan by the ankle and laying a smackdown on their candy ass, reminiscent of the Hulk’s dismissive reaction to Loki’s god-like posturing, signing off with our own take on his humorous putdown, “puny platitude”….
In a recent post I made reference to the fact that clichés tend to become clichés because they are in fact true, yet the sheer repetition they get exposed to tends to take the weight out of their wisdom. Whether you believe in the divine, in the guiding power of the universe, in fate, in nature or none of the above, there is no question that often times it is the worst struggles in our lives that eventually bear up most fruit in terms of growth and opportunity. It is in these moments of quiet reflection and self-awareness that we humans alone are able to enjoy, that the thought sometimes occurs, if we hadn’t lost that job, screwed the pooch in that interview, messed up that relationship or been so careless with our choices, we may not have ended up where we our right now, and in that moment, we experience a oneness with the universe that most times eludes us.
The world is full of inspiring stories of people down on their luck, who were able to dig in, plant their feet, hold their head up high and keep their focus on their north star, sure that the tide would turn and the sun would rise again. Whether it’s the story of JK Rowling, a newly divorced, single mother on welfare, suffering from depression, writing in cafes and having her crazy book about a wizard school rejected multiple times, or Oprah Winfrey, who suffered horrific abuse as a child and was fired from her job as a TV Reporter because she was “unfit for TV”, or Steve Jobs, fired from the company he created only to be brought back from the brink when they almost folded without him; all of these inspirational figures would say that it were these failures that gave them the fortitude and platform to rise again, stronger, smarter and wiser. These icons of modern culture provide inspiration and hope and in those moments, we tell ourselves, if they can do it, so can I. I can be that strong, that sure, that steadfast…we’re going to get right in life’s smug little face and haka our hearts out, in all our eye bulging, face gurning glory, “Ka mate, ka mate! ka ora! ka ora!”
And then…
Everyone Has a Plan Until They Get Punched in the Mouth – Mike Tyson
Oopsy! All the insta-inspiration in the world might not be enough to save you when the Iron Mike like one-two of life decides to test your resilience. So, what is the best approach when caught in the eye of a shitstorm? In recent years gratitude is the action that has been proffered as one of the antidotes to hardship and challenge and that too carries a lot of wisdom and truth. Science has proven that we cannot hold negative and positive thoughts simultaneously, therefore when Neal Donald Walsch proffered his iconic insta-friendly interpretation,
Suffering ends when gratitude begins,
it most definitely reflected the power of the practice. It has become a core tenet of the evolved lifestyle to have a daily practice of gratitude which involves acknowledging and appreciating three things that you are grateful for and, full disclosure, I do it too. In fact, I recommend it anyone who will listen. It is a powerful tool and the mileage you get through employing this discipline is immeasurable. There are many beautiful musings on the power of gratitude out there already, so I am not going to add to them per sé. Rather I am going to focus on how to keep this practice going in times of trial. If anyone wants to read some of the elite reflections on this topic I would recommend heading to source and checking out Neal Donald Walsch’s musings or the chapter Dave Asprey dedicated to it in his book, Gamechangers. Not only is it a great rumination on the topic but also proof positive that even in the biohacking world, where so much is misunderstood about this forward thinking discipline and its supposed obsession with cool tech, supplementation and procedures the rest of us can’t afford, the psychological aspect of human performance is still front and centre.
However…
This is all well and good when life is playing a happy song and we are revelling in being and becoming our best selves each and every single day. What happens though, when life kicks up a storm so strong that all our resources get redirected toward simply keeping our head above water and resisting the waves trying to capsize our fragile little raft of resilience? When the negative overtakes the positive and makes it seem impossible to actually feel anything at all, and certainly finding something to be even remotely grateful for seems like an insurmountable challenge?
This is where living with serendipitude becomes the solution. Finding serenity in serendipity.
The Oxford English dictionary defines serendipity as;
The occurrence and development of events by chance in a happy or beneficial way.
Cast your mind back to the beginning of this article,
There is no question that often times it is the worst struggles in our lives that eventually bear up most fruit in terms of growth and opportunity
If you didn’t then, reflect now on when that may have been true for you in the past. At the time we may have resisted, we may have fought but the resolution will only have presented itself when we least expected it, when we stopped struggling and started allowing. It may have led us to discover something great in ourselves or presented us with an outcome much more in line with our deepest hopes and dreams that may not have been possible had we continued to fight the current rather than let it direct us where it would, and so, I urge you to fall back on facts instead of fear. Find faith in yourself and your own phoenix fire. Joseph Campbell, put it beautifully,
The cave you fear to enter holds the treasure you seek.
We can turn this cave into a fortress of fortitude, observing the paintings on the walls, documenting our own personal legacy of finding triumph in tragedy with words, images and visions of victory. Let those feelings of success and realisation wash over you. Hear those words, see those images, play and replay those visions of victory over and over again in your mind. Bath in your resilience and know that you have kept your fire burning in stronger winds than this before and will do so again. Life may have re-directed you, but it has not defeated you. You enter the cave with a 100%-win ratio and no matter what trials it presents, you will emerge unbowed and unbroken.
The reason constant practice of any skill or task you want to master works is because you are building the neural pathways which create a shortcut to the action or reaction you want to become second nature. It builds positivity and confidence. As Tony Robbins says,
Where focus goes, energy flows.
Therefore, holding this truth close in an attitude of serendipitude will remind us of the infinite possibility of struggle and where it might lead. Now, unfortunately I cannot claim to have to have invented this word or concept, much as I would like to and indeed for a split second thought I had! Basking in the creative excitement you feel when you believe you have come up with something new, I deferred to Google hoping it would return a blank search and proof of my genius, but of course, that proved to be untrue. Someone else had beaten me to it. A blog post, seemingly no longer active, by My Loveliest Puffins. However, in a classic example of serendipity, not only had they experienced the same inspiration, they also provided their own succinct definition, displayed below. Simpatico!
Serendipitude
n. - 1. the attitude that life is a series of happy accidents;
2. one who lives life according to this attitude
My Loveliest Puffins, I salute you! Credit where credit is due, always. As we hurtle through the 21st century searching for ways to live conscious, meaningful lives, more often than not, we find that those who have come before us have already discovered the same insights and revelations, therefore it can be difficult to be truly original, but you don’t have to be. In this information age where knowledge is only a web search away the most important thing is authenticity, adaptability and individuality. Finding what works for you and sharing it to see if it can inspire others to find a way to modify and adapt it for themselves. To quote the great Bruce Lee,
Absorb what is useful, discard what is not, add what is uniquely your own.
I believe this is the actual key to realising our own potential and gaining the benefits of the myriad of wisdom that has been left behind. It is why so many struggle with the ‘self-help’ world and label it bunkum when they follow the charlatan’s step by step guide, literally and figuratively and so fail to find the answers they were looking for. To go back to Bruce Lee, the inscription on his grave and the words he lived by, sum this up perfectly,
Self-exploration leads to Personal Liberation.
In order to unlock the door, you must forge your own key.
This is how I stumbled upon my own understanding of serendipitude, which brings me back once more to the force of nature that is Tony Robbins. Tony promotes a morning routine he calls ‘Priming’. It is made up of a myriad of different actions, which he too has adapted from lessons he has learnt elsewhere, and it includes the tried and tested acknowledgement of three things you are grateful for, with a twist. He suggests that the first thing you express gratitude for should be a small mindful observation like the sun shining or a bird singing, the second something more personal and the third (and this is where the rubber meets the road) a coincidence, a time when something you weren’t prepared for led to something greater than before. You might even call it a happy accident! This is serendipitude. This is the practice you can rely upon when times are tough. This is the one you should practice more often than all the others, so you have it on tap when the storm rises, the wind blows, and the waves crash around you. Reminding yourself of the impermanence of life, that this too shall pass and that sometimes, the only thing you can control is how you react to things that are outside of your control.
Timeline Therapy is a powerful therapeutic process that enables the client to move along various points of their own timeline and quickly remove disempowering thoughts and beliefs that crystallised at certain points in their lives and again true to form I have adapted this slightly to give form to the practice of serendipitude. I explore my own timeline on a consistent basis and rather than relive traumatic events in my past or focus on any scars they may have left, I simply track the resulting consequences instead. What changed for me as a result of this occurrence, where it led me, how I grew, what I learned and how much happiness and purpose I uncovered because of it. It is a powerful practice that allows you to reframe your struggle, to realise that instead of hindering you, these trials have actually propelled you forward on your journey and been that ultimate cliché, a blessing in disguise.
I will illustrate this truth with one of my favourite and fluffier examples. I love my dog. She loves me. When all else fails and my faith in humanity waivers, she is always there, offering unconditional love and affection. Her unique personality is the perfect fit for my own and to top it all she is a Blue Merle, which by definition may mean she carries a genetic mutation but, in my eyes, makes her absolutely perfect. And guess what? How I came to own her was a complete and sweet, happy accident! I am the quintessential dog person and so I get very attached, meaning it took 8 years from the death of my first dog before I felt ready to have another. I figured getting a Blue Merle was an unlikely possibility, so I decided upon a different option which involved travelling 22 miles one evening, full of expectation and excitement, only to discover everyone at my destination had gone AWOL. After waiting for over an hour I returned home dejected. It was at this stage I could have decided that it was not to be, however something made me investigate one last option and lo and behold, much closer to home I found my perfect puppy, whom we named Frankie and who I am pleased to say has been my loyal companion ever since, bringing light to my darkest days with ME/CFS, being the most loving family pet anyone could wish for and reminding me on a daily basis of the power of serendipitude! Or, to reference another well worn cliché,
What is meant for you, will not pass you...
So, in closing, I implore you to experiment with your own practice of serendipitude, finding safety and security in your fortress of fortitude, illuminated by the glow of your unquenchable phoenix fire, experiencing oneness with the universe on a consistent basis and reinforcing the ultimate truth, that life is happening for you, not to you…
So light it up...
Take Aim, Transform, Transcend…
Skywards…
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