Mention of a crown brings to mind “Game of Thrones,” the pride of Northern Ireland and a series of books and TV show that has drawn the majority of us in with a dramatic, intriguing take on the lengths people will go to take their place on the throne, get their hands on the crown and most importantly, the power and possibility that one associates with that. Whilst it entertains on a purely superficial level, it can also teach us some valuable lessons on the importance of having an empowering belief, a compelling vision, the resilience to continue no matter the setbacks and an ability to pivot and change tact according to how events outside of our control can affect our narrative and our direction. Today’s post is a reflection on how I went about reclaiming my own personal power and with it my paper crown…
Why paper? As the old adage goes, 1st Anniversary = Paper and today is the day that I choose to recognise as the 1st anniversary of my recovery from ME/CFS. It was on this day, one year ago, in the ExCeL in London during the Tony Robbins event, "Unleash the Power" that I had the breakthrough which has lead me to where I am today. 6 long years of exhaustion, confusion, abandonment, research, experimentation, analysis, realignment, more experimentation, success, failure, learning and an absolute and complete dissection of my life and my purpose… (yes it was that intensive, that thorough and that difficult) finally being drawn to a close. I had found my 'why' and then I found my hope and my health.
Here I am now, one year on and life is on the up.
A few points to be clarified though:
1) As effective as Tony Robbins’ methods are, it was not this one event that facilitated my recovery. It was the culmination of those 6 years of experimentation and dissection which made that one moment possible. The intensive work I had done on my psychology, my biology and my environment all created the foundation on which everything else was possible. As much as I would like to say different, there is no magic wand, it takes time, dedication, an absolutely unswerving belief that recovery is possible and the grit to see it through no matter how many disappointing failures you encounter along the way. I was off course more often than I was on it and it was simply the intrinsic desire for change that kept forcing me to dust myself down, turn it around and try, try, try again.
2) I have not been relapse free for a full year just yet. I had my last fully-fledged crash in August 2017 although I tend not to place much emphasis on that one due to the fact that it followed so closely on the heels of my father’s death and a number of other trials and tribulations of this crazy thing we call life. I see it more as a final cleansing, one last lunge by the devil that is ME/CFS to keep me in its talons. Why do I say I recovered before then? Because strange as it may seem, I felt it. In my heart, in my soul, in my bones. At that moment there was a shift, I knew that I was a prisoner no more and that I was now free to restart my life and leave this illness behind forever. I still get what I refer to as the occasional echo, slight aches in my legs (always it’s favourite target for me) and a longer than normal wake up cycle, however, these are manageable and infrequent and just the last remnants of a condition that used to rule my life, therefore they cause me no harm and no concern and I see them more as friendly warnings for when I threaten to overdo things and return to my previously manic way of living.
3) Life is not trouble free, not for me and not for anyone. There is no absolution so to speak, no Hollywood moment where success is achieved, and everything is rainbows and unicorns thereafter. Life will always challenge us, always probe and press and test us, but what we must always remember, just as I do with my own personal echoes, is that this is nothing more than another growth opportunity or, as one of my practitioners once so subtly put it, A.F.G.O. (I will leave it to your imagination what the "F" stands for). This is not a depressing thought, it is a realistic and freeing way of approaching life and being prepared for all eventualities. What you learn during recovery will serve you for life. The ancient Stoics laid out a blueprint for this many centuries ago by identifying three foundations by which to chart your course. I’m paraphrasing here, and you will find them laid out so much more elegantly in Ryan Holiday’s wonderful book, "The Obstacle is The Way."
· Perception – The ability to be subjective and accept that the only thing under our control is how we react to events that are outside of our control
· Action – The motivation to take action no matter how small, continually and consistently, to achieve what we desire
· Will – the courage to continue on our path, accepting failure as further education, stagnation as the sign that we need to modify our approach and success, big ‘S’ or small ‘s’, as confirmation that we are headed in the right direction
So, today, in celebration, I don my paper crown, grateful, humble and free. I did the work, I accepted the failures, I modified my approach and I continued to do the things that worked for me. I would not take no for an answer. The phrases, “you can’t,” “you will never,” or “just accept it,” had no meaning for me, nor should they for any of us. Take hope from my journey and find your own ‘why’. Your family, your friends, an empowering belief, a compelling vision. Viktor E. Frankl, an Austrian psychiatrist and survivor of the Nazi concentration camps put it best when paraphrasing Friedrich Nietzsche:
"Those who have a 'why' to live can bear almost any 'how'"
The secret sauce to all of this? Presence. Living each and every day in the here and now, not allowing ourselves to be swayed by emotion or fear or uncertainty. Committing to the path and following through no matter what. Grit, resilience and realism. As “The Serenity Prayer” so eloquently puts it:
"Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, Courage to change the things I can, And the wisdom to know the difference."
In closing I will leave you with one last quote, taken from one of the most prominent Stoic Philosophers of the time, Marcus Aurelius, whose legendary book, "Meditations" is essential reading.
"Our actions may be impeded… but there can be no impeding our intentions or dispositions. Because we can accommodate and adapt. The mind adapts and converts to its own purposes the obstacle to our acting.
The impediment to action advances action.
What stands in the way becomes the way."
Find your why, find your way.
Take Aim, Transform, Transcend…
Skywards…
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